Tag Archives: Relationships

In God’s economy, nothing is ever wasted.

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I’ve been helping one of my dear friends pack up her house to prepare for a move to another community. It has been my pleasure to watch she and her husband embark on this adventure. They’ve lived in this valley for so many years. They raised their children here, owned businesses, know many people and have more memories of this place than I can imagine. Yet, they heard God say it was time to move.

I heard she told her son how thrilled she is to have someone help with the packing, one that had moved many times with the military. Wow! I think so seldom of those years and when I do, my thoughts are of places I traveled to or people I met who impacted my life. The rigors of packing, moving and unpacking are not high on those memories. Yet God in His infinite grace makes something out of what we may perceive as nothing. I’m honored that a friend can use something past, which seems like part of another life, today.

Think About It…

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I won’t be here forever.

None of us will.

When you reflect on that fact, what do you think about?

I know I’ll be in a better place, so I’m not worried about me.

However, I spend a fair amount of time thinking about what that will mean for others. Probably since I was in my 40’s I’ve tried to make it my goal to ‘make memories’ with others. Besides ‘stuff’, which may or may not be of value to anyone else, I feel memories are the only thing I can leave behind which will make a potential difference in one’s life.

I think about those I’ve lost in my life. The ones I think fondly of were those with whom I shared good memories. Others, well, I was able to perform the necessary functions required at the time, but their loss was not much of a loss to me.

There will always be ‘givers’ and ‘takers’ in life, but the creation of memories only happens when each party is contributing, shares in the other’s joys and sometimes sorrows; each party wants happiness for the other. These memories may not always be about happy times. With one you truly love and are invested in, there may be times when one of you is struggling with something. In a deep relationship, even during those times you make memories with the other person by being loving, supportive and caring for them.

I want my life to be about making memories! Memories that will leave people thinking fondly of me, either when we part for a time or when eternity arrives for one of us.

I struggle with how to pass this understanding on to my children. I want my time spent, whether talking with or being together, to be about building understanding for each other and making memories. I enjoy thinking of the successes they have shared with me. I pray for the concerns they have. I love it when we are planning a future get-together or event and each of us is involved in the process.

Instead, I sometimes find conversations that feel like obligations, words with no real connection. It hurts and leaves me feeling empty. Are those the memories they will have of me? If so, I fear I have failed at what is most important to me.

We’ll Meet Again Up Yonder

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Fran and Rick @ Ashcroft

This week one of my special friends went home to be with the Lord.

I met Fran Cohler about 10½ years ago at my future husband’s home. She came into the room with laughter and an open heart. A friendship was born that day which has brought me much joy and happiness over the years. She and her husband, Rick are some of our closest friends. They were people we could share good times with, create memories with, pray about family members and talk about the deeper matters of life, one’s spiritual life.

As a woman, Fran shared God’s love openly. Her fingers made beautiful music as her hands danced across the keys and she shared this love of music with many. She had a tender heart and brought encouragement, support and laughter where she went. She and my husband shared this zany Irish humor, which I enjoyed listening to and being part of.

She left her touch on my life, as I’m sure she has on many others throughout her life. She will be honored and missed by many; but her memory will linger in the hearts of those lives she touched.

 

Fran and Rick @ Pine Creek CookhouseFran and Rick in Green Bay

FORGIVENESS…

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Sequel to ‘Unresolved!!!’ blog post.

Optimal health from an unhealthy relationship can only be achieved through forgiveness and God’s grace. I’m grateful for God grace and forgiveness towards me and can only offer forgiveness to those who offend and hurt me. Some days my ability to forgive is only possible by allowing God to forgive through me! It is only by accepting personal forgiveness and offering forgiveness to the other that I can find peace. For that I’m grateful!

Over the years I’ve learned that offering forgiveness means I won’t hold the offender hostage to the acts of their past. It also means I don’t harbor bad feelings or thoughts about them. It does not mean I have to subject myself to their bad behavior or abuses in the future. The last sentence may be really important for some of you to realize, so let me say it again.

It does not mean I have to subject myself to their bad behavior or abuses in the future.

When I was younger, I thought forgiving someone meant letting go of the past and just getting back on with life, acting like nothing happened. This might work if the offending party is repentant of their behavior and really wants to change. If not, I found I was only setting myself up to be hurt or abused again. This is not what God wants for any of us!

If any of you are struggling with an unresolved relationship, I encourage you to FORGIVE – both yourself and the other party; accept the peace and grace God offers through forgiveness; move on in life, trusting His guidance. For each relationship crisis, the moving on may look different. Follow His lead.

Unresolved!!!

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Like a large splinter deep beneath the skin is an unresolved relationship.

The healing does not take place until the sliver is removed. Then depending upon how deep it was and how invasive the removal determine how long the healing takes.

Leaving the splinter fester is not much of an option for optimal health. What about an unresolved relationship?

Attitude of Gratitude!

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This weekend, my daughter and I talked about the different ways people look at life. We both agreed, those who have an attitude of gratitude are people who are much more pleasant to be around and elude a much more uplifting persona.

For me, I know my life didn’t start out as such. I tended to compare my life to others and felt I had to strive for, whatever…. The list was long!

I cannot point to a time when this changed, but found it to be a gradual transition, which left me in a place where I cannot stop finding things to be grateful for. It is easier to laugh and I don’t take myself so seriously; not taking myself so seriously has allowed me to enjoy life more!

I’ve also found, on those days when I awake and it feels like there is a cloud hanging over me, once I find something to be grateful for the cloud starts to abate. The more gratitude, the less room there is for the cloud.

What are you grateful for today?

Being a ‘mom’

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Being a ‘mom’ is not always easy!

There are many different types of moms and different stages of mothering. Some are easy and fun though may be tiring. Others may cause sleepless nights and worry. Then there is the stage of being a mother to adult children. Even this time offers different emotions, joys, rewards and challenges. Today I’m focusing on the challenges and some of the lessons I’ve had to learn along the way. I’ve given birth to three very strong willed daughters. I have four equally strong willed adult stepchildren. I prefer to think of them all as my children because even if you have not given birth to them, you invest in them, love them and want what is best for them.  That is what being a mom is all about!

As the ‘mom’ of adult children, I’ve had to learn they’re all individual adults with ideas, goals, priorities and plans of their own. It can be highly rewarding to watch them strive for something and find their success. On those days, I get to celebrate with them.

On days when they contact me to just chat or call for my opinion or advise, I get to share in this unique adult to adult bonding and there is little else to compare with the joy this offers.

Then there are the days when I recognized I can only watch as one or another of them struggles with aspects of life, sometimes over and over again. It hurts my heart to watch these struggles. I’ve already learned my life experiences are not viewed with any value; thus any words of advice I might offer fall on deaf ears. I’m left with few options. I’m trying to learn, sharing my opinion or advice at times like this only leaves me frustrated. We’ve each matured to the point where these discussions are not heated, but I know I’ve hit a wall and it would be better if I didn’t try. My heart breaks as I watch the same life lesson being presented over and over again with the same outcome. Didn’t some one once say, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results?” As a mom, hardening my heart and turning away is not an option for me. Nor is focusing on one relationship so much as to allow it to rob me of the joy in other relationships.

Being a mom is not always easy! There are always plenty of reasons to be on my knees. I know sometimes praying is all I can do!

 

Could we make the world a better place…..

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Could we make the world a little better if we thought of others and spoke of them in the following way?

Today someone asked me if I liked you. I laughed, and I said, “Ha! That’s funny!! I absolutely LOVE that woman!! She’s funny, caring, crazy as heck, sweet, beautiful, she’s reading this right now & I love her!!”

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says, “Oh Crap, She’s up!”

“You don’t have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body.” -C.S. Lewis

This is another message I have received from several sources. It made me feel good and smile. I share it, hoping the ideas might motivate you to think about how you speak of others.