Tag Archives: Peace

LIFE — on Pause!

Friends have asked, “How’s recovery going?”

It’s been a humbling experience.

Think about your daily life. Then consider needing someone to help you do everything!

The question, how’s recovery going, is thought provoking.

Recovery happens one day at a time.

We celebrate small accomplishments and victories. Small events make up life.

How’s one to thank the many friends who stopped by to visit; who gifted me with flowers; who brought or sent food to the house to simplify meal preparation; the people who prayed for me regularly and sent short notes of encouragement?

Early on, I sensed my focus needed to be on getting better. I wasn’t interested in many aspects of my life. Leaving home was exhausting. It took much effort to get ready to go to doc visits or PT, do the program, and return home. After arriving home, I’d collapse in a comfortable location.

For me, time stopped. We returned from vacation, and I had plans to market my book. I’ve put those plans on hold.

This week recovery turned a corner. I want to take part in my regular activities again. I still have to pace myself as I tire after being out. I’m told, rest is crucial to healing, and that’s the top priority. So the focuses of my life are PT, both appointments and exercises at home; a few activities; a few interests; and using wisdom to know I need to stop.

Soon I hope to hit the RESET button.

 

FORGIVENESS…

Sequel to ‘Unresolved!!!’ blog post.

Optimal health from an unhealthy relationship can only be achieved through forgiveness and God’s grace. I’m grateful for God grace and forgiveness towards me and can only offer forgiveness to those who offend and hurt me. Some days my ability to forgive is only possible by allowing God to forgive through me! It is only by accepting personal forgiveness and offering forgiveness to the other that I can find peace. For that I’m grateful!

Over the years I’ve learned that offering forgiveness means I won’t hold the offender hostage to the acts of their past. It also means I don’t harbor bad feelings or thoughts about them. It does not mean I have to subject myself to their bad behavior or abuses in the future. The last sentence may be really important for some of you to realize, so let me say it again.

It does not mean I have to subject myself to their bad behavior or abuses in the future.

When I was younger, I thought forgiving someone meant letting go of the past and just getting back on with life, acting like nothing happened. This might work if the offending party is repentant of their behavior and really wants to change. If not, I found I was only setting myself up to be hurt or abused again. This is not what God wants for any of us!

If any of you are struggling with an unresolved relationship, I encourage you to FORGIVE – both yourself and the other party; accept the peace and grace God offers through forgiveness; move on in life, trusting His guidance. For each relationship crisis, the moving on may look different. Follow His lead.

Mermaid Girl…..

I thought I gave birth to a baby girl. We were to live as a family, on the land. I thought she was mine. I soon learned this was not true. This child displayed a rebellious and defiant spirit as out of control as the ocean in a huge storm, against anything that had the scent of tradition, authority or rules. Occasionally, I would have fleeting glimpses of the daughter I thought was mine. And then they would be gone! Hers became a dance of seeing how far she could stray from the line. The collateral damage and destruction of those she either hurt or destroyed in her dance of defiance is huge. Every time I look, the circle becomes larger. It includes people both close to her and those just touched by the fringes of her life, and people whom she once charmed and has since grew tired of. Then awhile back we vacationed with her at the beach. Those few short days were a gift. Time spent together was pleasant and devoid of the stress I associated with her. I’ve come to realize there is something about the ocean that seems to calm the rage she has against life and civilization. She is back inland again, and the glimpses I saw of her at the ocean have vanished again. Is the ocean her true home and not this land the rest of us live on? Perhaps she was not a baby girl, but a baby mermaid instead.

These thoughts have been triggered by both a conversation with my local pastor when he asked me to think of a time when she was innocent before all the problems began (which brought to mind a photo of her sitting on the beach when she was about 3 or so with a white suit with red and blue polka dots) and a conversation with my husband pointing out the vacation trip we took with this child was really a gift. We spent almost a full week together and it was no stress, no drama, no difficult times, just a very pleasant time together. I’m glad I was allowed to frame this vacation into the thought of a ‘normal gift’ with this child because my life history with her does not allow me many of those memories. Somehow those two images merged into the Mermaid Girl – I think that may be her!