Yesterday we were motorcycling in Alabama. Thanks to the generosity of a fellow biker, we were able to ride a Triumph through some of the hills and back roads. Few of the leaves have changed colors, so we were met with lush green most places we went. I kept thinking how much I always enjoyed the verdancy of the mid-west and southern states and realized I had been given my “green fix” on this weekend ride. It was a great day!
Sequel to ‘Unresolved!!!’ blog post.
Optimal health from an unhealthy relationship can only be achieved through forgiveness and God’s grace. I’m grateful for God grace and forgiveness towards me and can only offer forgiveness to those who offend and hurt me. Some days my ability to forgive is only possible by allowing God to forgive through me! It is only by accepting personal forgiveness and offering forgiveness to the other that I can find peace. For that I’m grateful!
Over the years I’ve learned that offering forgiveness means I won’t hold the offender hostage to the acts of their past. It also means I don’t harbor bad feelings or thoughts about them. It does not mean I have to subject myself to their bad behavior or abuses in the future. The last sentence may be really important for some of you to realize, so let me say it again.
It does not mean I have to subject myself to their bad behavior or abuses in the future.
When I was younger, I thought forgiving someone meant letting go of the past and just getting back on with life, acting like nothing happened. This might work if the offending party is repentant of their behavior and really wants to change. If not, I found I was only setting myself up to be hurt or abused again. This is not what God wants for any of us!
If any of you are struggling with an unresolved relationship, I encourage you to FORGIVE – both yourself and the other party; accept the peace and grace God offers through forgiveness; move on in life, trusting His guidance. For each relationship crisis, the moving on may look different. Follow His lead.
Like a large splinter deep beneath the skin is an unresolved relationship.
The healing does not take place until the sliver is removed. Then depending upon how deep it was and how invasive the removal determine how long the healing takes.
Leaving the splinter fester is not much of an option for optimal health. What about an unresolved relationship?
I thought I gave birth to a baby girl. We were to live as a family, on the land. I thought she was mine. I soon learned this was not true. This child displayed a rebellious and defiant spirit as out of control as the ocean in a huge storm, against anything that had the scent of tradition, authority or rules. Occasionally, I would have fleeting glimpses of the daughter I thought was mine. And then they would be gone! Hers became a dance of seeing how far she could stray from the line. The collateral damage and destruction of those she either hurt or destroyed in her dance of defiance is huge. Every time I look, the circle becomes larger. It includes people both close to her and those just touched by the fringes of her life, and people whom she once charmed and has since grew tired of. Then awhile back we vacationed with her at the beach. Those few short days were a gift. Time spent together was pleasant and devoid of the stress I associated with her. I’ve come to realize there is something about the ocean that seems to calm the rage she has against life and civilization. She is back inland again, and the glimpses I saw of her at the ocean have vanished again. Is the ocean her true home and not this land the rest of us live on? Perhaps she was not a baby girl, but a baby mermaid instead.
These thoughts have been triggered by both a conversation with my local pastor when he asked me to think of a time when she was innocent before all the problems began (which brought to mind a photo of her sitting on the beach when she was about 3 or so with a white suit with red and blue polka dots) and a conversation with my husband pointing out the vacation trip we took with this child was really a gift. We spent almost a full week together and it was no stress, no drama, no difficult times, just a very pleasant time together. I’m glad I was allowed to frame this vacation into the thought of a ‘normal gift’ with this child because my life history with her does not allow me many of those memories. Somehow those two images merged into the Mermaid Girl – I think that may be her!
I’ve been reading CS Lewis’ book, Mere Christianity. The following passage from the book has stuck with me.
“Why did God make a creature of such rotten stuff that it went wrong? The better stuff a creature is made of – the cleverer and stronger and freer it is – the better it will be if it goes right, but also the worse it will be if it goes wrong.”
I think of some people I know who have lives that are pretty messed up. In fact, they appear to be in a total destruction mode. It bothers me. Then when I read this and spent some time pondering the statement, it made me realize those people have a capacity to be good to the same extent they have chosen badly. It is all about life choices and God’s grace. I was left with the knowledge (or reminder); all I can do for them is to pray for them. It is not mine to change them. Oh, but the day God decides to change them, they will have quite a story to tell! May He give me the grace to patiently remain in prayer!
Sunday, we drove past a dead tree. Dead, yet the sight was amazing. On the top tree branches were small birds perched, almost like leaves on each branch. Hay fields, blue skies and the mountain were the backdrop for this scene. As we drove by, I wished I could share this vision with my grandmother. I would try to share visions of places I lived or visited in letters that passed between us. This was the sort of thing I would have written to her about. Ahhhh…the memories of all those letters filled with love, passing between my grandmother and I!
Strange week, it has been! There was excitement and anticipation in the beginning of the week. I enjoyed a Monday at home catching up on things and working on a writing project. Tuesday morning was breakfast with a special lady friend. I left our meeting upbeat and joyous! Hubby and I were heading out of town, but needed to mail a card first. I jumped out of the car and lightheartedly headed toward the mailbox. It all happened so fast – all I remember is that everything went wrong. Either my sandal slipped off my foot, or I stumbled on the curb. Either way I found myself running to catch my balance, to no avail. I made an immediate and abrupt contact with the cement sidewalk, landing on my hand and my head. After being checked out by the doc and sent home with some pain meds, I spent the next couple of days feeling rather foolish for not being more careful; frustrated for being injured and not able to function as I normally would; and just plain feeling sorry for myself to having to endure the discomfort and inconvenience of this all. Then Thursday morning when I awoke, I realized I had much to be grateful for. God’s angels had again been looking out for me. Tuesday’s accident was unfortunate, but could have been worse in so many different ways. There were people there immediately to check on me and make sure I was ok. One woman even had the foresight to ensure I knew my hubby and we were together before being comfortable leaving me in his care. I was able to get an appointment at the clinic where I go and able to determine, nothing was broken. I may have bumped my head hard enough to have a monster black eye, but I did not scrape any of the skin on my face. In fact, I only have two small scrapes on my hand and one on my foot. My hand is turning the same colors of my face and I’ve become a friend of ice packs this week. This has turned into a week of rest and realization again of how much our heavenly father looks out for us; cares for us and protects us!
This weekend, my daughter and I talked about the different ways people look at life. We both agreed, those who have an attitude of gratitude are people who are much more pleasant to be around and elude a much more uplifting persona.
For me, I know my life didn’t start out as such. I tended to compare my life to others and felt I had to strive for, whatever…. The list was long!
I cannot point to a time when this changed, but found it to be a gradual transition, which left me in a place where I cannot stop finding things to be grateful for. It is easier to laugh and I don’t take myself so seriously; not taking myself so seriously has allowed me to enjoy life more!
I’ve also found, on those days when I awake and it feels like there is a cloud hanging over me, once I find something to be grateful for the cloud starts to abate. The more gratitude, the less room there is for the cloud.
What are you grateful for today?
Isn’t amazing how there are some people in your life that no matter how long it has been since you last saw them, it only feels like yesterday?
I’ve had the pleasure of spending my weekend with just such friends. The time was short, but sweet.
I encourage anyone reading this to cultivate such friendships. They enrich life.
When I think of the friends I have, I know I’ve been blessed.
I read the following quote on Jeff Moore’s Everyday Power Blog. The article contained much more information, but this quote is the one that stood out for me.
“Don’t make a habit out of choosing what feels good over what’s actually good for you.” - Eric Thomas
How many times do we get caught up in our culture or lives making decisions simply based upon what ‘feels good’?
Do we even spend time thinking about ‘what is actually good for us’?
I know this last year as I’ve jumped off the ‘busy’ train and started to be more conscious about how I spend my time I’ve given thought to how growing more and more into the image of Christ should be lived out.
Do you ever think about these things and if so, how do you put it into practice?
Journey to the Heights 